Hello to all those reading this. It's me... blogging again :)
In these times it's important to get things off your chest and it also gives YOU something to do when you're at home and bored. I hope you enjoy my stream of consciousness that follows 😁
"Maybe May, you'll take me dancing, 'cuz that's what brothers do. And I'll always be your annoying sister, it's the only way I know you"....
These are the lyrics to the chorus of my upcoming song called 'Maybe May' (now you know why I named it as I did), which will be out on all streaming platforms, 8th May! Whoooppp!
I thought it would be a nice idea to share with you the meaning behind 'Maybe May', how I wrote it, why I wrote it and some other anecdotes along the way.
Compared to all my single releases prior to this one, 'Maybe May' has a much sadder meaning behind it. Whilst I love to write positive songs and inspire others in their outlook or approach to life, I think it is always important to be realistic and know that even the most positive people in life will experience sadness and a range of other emotions just like everyone else.
In this day and age, we can often be guided by unrealistic ideas of people or strive to be a version of ourself that is often unrealistic; so I chose deliberately to release 'Maybe May' with the intention of expressing a deeper meaning behind who I am as a person, to try and stay as authentic and relatable as possible as I feel that is important. So let's dive in ...
I wrote 'Maybe May' about a year ago, on the sofa in my house. The song is about the distant relationship that I have with my brother and how that makes me sad. I'm not entirely sure what brought on the urge to write a song about this. I guess I've always known that we are completely opposite in every way and I'm used to not talking to him or seeing him very often at all... probably about twice a year.
Maybe because COVID was giving me space to step back and look at my life and the people I see a lot, and the people I don’t see very often. This lack of freedom was a realisation that you can easily take this for granted. I do feel COVID has opened a lot of people's eyes up to this in their own way.
Anyway, I suppose one of those things for me was how far away all my family lived from me and whilst other siblings may share this time and experience together, me and my brother just don't have that relationship. And that's ok, it's been that way for many years but it did make me question how we ended up that way.
We grew up the same, same childhood, same parents, same schools. But somewhere along the line, we drifted into becoming such polar opposite people and now I feel we have hardly anything to talk about, nothing in common to give us a reason to see each other or chat like others do.
This made me sad too. It made me think of the one main thing we do have in common, and that is folk festivals, folk dancing, folk singing, folk music. In fact one of the only times I really see him is at a folk festival maybe once a year, at Chippenham Folk Festival in May, and the other at Christmas time. Every festival I ask him to dance and he's always too embarrassed and almost always says no. This is where the meaning behind the chorus comes from. Whilst it is sad that the only we know each other as being annoying siblings and winding each other up, I do hope that as we grow up, we'll find things in common again to talk about and that he will stop being embarrassed by me and will agree to a dance 😟
It's funny really. 'Maybe May' holds this underlying sadness and yet the feel of the song is really quite happy and in a way, to me this captures the relationship with my brother perfectly. Our conversations mainly consist of making fun of each other and winding each other up and I love that, I don't want that to ever change but simultaneously that is literally the only way we know each other.
Although I think since writing this song a year ago, things have improved a bit already. I will tell you why as there is a strange story behind this.
The story begins on a cold, dark night.... just kidding, although it was a cold dark night.... and I had recently finished writing my upcoming song 'Maybe May'. Almost as a tradition now, I play any new songs I write at The Blue Angel Cafe (previously at The Horn in St Albans but over this year they have run it online due to covid). Side note: although my parents are part of this group on Facebook and regularly watch me, my brother is not and has never watched any of my performances on there and I had never spoken to him about any of this before. I don't think I even realised it bothered me until I wrote the song, so at the time I was pretty sure I wasn't going to release it, just keep it for my own collection.
The conversation with my brother seemed too awkward and unnecessary at the time but to my surprise, as I was halfway through playing my new song, messages started popping up from my brother and mum saying "I'm sorry".
It was at this moment I not only realised my brother happened to be visiting my mum and they were watching my Blue Angel set for the first time but also that I now had to stop myself crying mid-song on a live online performance.
It was pretty dramatic at the time. Although it was super weird that the first time I ever played 'Maybe May' to anyone happened to be the only time my brother tuned in to listen to a song that was about him! Looking back on it now though it was a positive thing, as it did open up a conversation or acknowledgment between us both that wasn't there before.
I don't think he knew that was how I felt and thanks to music and songwriting I guess he does now and it has helped with communication a bit. So there's a weird fact behind my upcoming song 'Maybe May' as well as some insight into my thoughts and feelings when writing this song.
I honestly believe that music is so powerful for any sort of emotional release (listening or playing it) and as a songwriter it is always the way that I put my feelings into words - it helps me make sense of things. I hope in someway this relates to you or if not that it gives an insight into how powerful music can be.
My song 'Maybe May' is out on the 8th May, you can pre-save it here to make sure you don't miss it when it comes out. Plus... if you pre-save it you will get added into a competition to win a movie night box for 2 🎁 . And as always thanks for taking the time to read my blog 😁.
Look forward to oversharing with you next time.... Enjoy your life 💚
Troi 💜 xoxo